十三: Have we lost our sight?

85mm @ f/1.4, 1/500th & ISO400

Does this look like a familiar scenario?

Do we really still see for ourselves (or in this case listen)? Or do others now see for us? A scary, scary thought. At this rate, we're doomed to the fate of the people in Plato's cave.

Of late I have really felt that I've been getting an education, and not just learning to get a grade, which I am extremely pleased about.

Something I will definitely speak about in length, in the future.

十: Women of The World I

85mm @ f/4, 1/250th & ISO400.

This is Lalaine (if my memory serves me right). Here she is practicing a form of Tai Chi sword form in front of Del Crary Park. After a quick chat a few pictures of her practicing, she bows as a gesture of gratitude.

Too little time, too much to talk about. 

In an attempt to rationalize my short comings, I'd like to point out that it isn't the case that I have not been shooting. Rather, that I have not been processing and uploading (which is equally as horrible). 

In short, I had a creatively fruitful day. Negotiating prices for my next event job, was invited to a join a photography network in Peterborough city, might have a sit down with the New Canadian Centre for video work, got my next assignment for Arthur, was finally published and shot a short vid of Matt Lamers signing in the streets.

Wow, how does a kid find time to brood over his ever-present loneliness in this day and age?

More details tomorrow!

九: Paying Your Dues

18mm @ f/4.0, 1.3'' & ISO100

I believe in life, most of us have to pay our dues to get to where we want to. I suppose I too can't escape doing the necessary  putting one's pride aside at hopes of eventually being victorious.

My favourite from the night.

n.b. Picture taken at The 2nd Floor Lounge and Patio, Peterborough, ON.

八: The Body's Betrayal

85mm @ f/2, 1/160th & ISO200

Here's a picture of my neighbour in her painting gear. 

Yesterday the world was shocked by the news of the death of one of the greatest creative minds of our age, Steve Jobs. It is times like these that one is reminded of how temporary life is and that ultimately how one's physical body will betray them by ceasing to function. 

In Jobs' famous Stanford Commencement speech he speaks about death being the best motivator in life. To get things done, to filter our the unnecessary and to be our best. Yet, to think about it, there are numerous decisions in life that we are now conditioned to make or are now made acceptable, that ultimately spawn from our seemingly foolish attempt to stop or prolong our inevitable end. Choosing (or not choosing) to eat food not because of their taste. Instead, because their "health benefits". Or slaving away at the gym to "keep fit" instead of say doing something else that could be potentially more enjoyable. Or splashing out thousands on supplements, vitamins and nutritional products that are suppose to be good for the body and will keep us going. Or people who are experimenting and exploring the possibilities of cryonics in an attempt to preserve human life. Those are a few examples I could think off.

Is it wise to attempt to escape or postpone death if we know that it is.. one, absolutely, without a doubt, a hundred percent inevitable and two, out of our control?

七: Doing What is Necessary

85mm @ f/2, 1/1000th & ISO100

A slight hiccup early in my journey, I know.

An elderly couple window shopping for a new set of hearing aid(s). This reminds me of my paternal grandmother who refuses to pick up a set and her quality of life has subsequently been hit greatly because of it. 

I hope at that age I will be able to accept my potential lack of independence willingly.

六: "Blinding Pride"

SOOC: 85mm @ f/1.4, 1/100th & ISO100

"Kelsey Gordon Powell; on the set of 'The Staple.'"

Today was certainly a day of ups and downs. After cinema class today, I helped a friend and aspiring director, Kirill shoot his short film, "The Staple." Kelsey, a theater student [pictured above], was our talent for the day. Having not really worked with that many other young creatives before, this was a foreign but certainly beneficial experience. 

As some of you know, The Arthur offered me a position as their staff photographer yesterday. After a quick meal with the gents, I headed back to school to meet the rest of the team for my first story meeting. The team was friendly, humorous and welcoming. I proudly signed the papers and went home.

I got home and opened up my Trent email. To my utter dismay, I read that the Trent Annual regrets to inform me that I am not what their company is looking for. Instead, they offered me a correspondent position, where I am paid by the picture. 

Hold up. I didn't get the position? 

It took me a while to accept this. Who? How? Why? How is this possible? With my talent, gear, experience, resume, portfolio, and what I thought was an excellent interview, how was I not hired? Thoughts of that nature screamed across my head (correction, are still screaming). They snubbed me? Me!? Andrew Tan!? Then amidst the ashes of my contemplative rage a few points arose.

1. That it was again my pride that is the foundation of my objective reality. And it is the shattering of that illusion that ultimately gives birth to the frustration and anger that I am feeling. Then again, is it wrong for me to expect greatness for myself? My ego is a large one and I can't stop rationalizing the scenario. Are there really two other individuals who applied that are simply better then me? (and again the question keeps arising.. perhaps there is, but, are they really?) Why is that so hard to take in? It seems my colossal ego and the objective reality that results is once again my downfall.

2. I am reminded that in life, there are many things that are not in my control. One must be ready to adapt and move on to survive, even though we may not have our questions answered. This sounds familiar enough, yet the same feelings of disappointment and hurt arise. And in my attempt to camouflage my insecurities, I look to external factors to account for the situation I am in. Point! Point! Point!

3. I am not used to hearing, "no." Too often in life, I have had things my way. I have lived comfortably. Because of sheltered living, loving parents, a comfortable middle class life, not pushing my boundaries, the illusion of invincibility and perhaps a multitude of other factors, I am just not used to not having things go the way I want them to. Chase Jarvis quotes Mario Andretti who says "if everything feels under control, you're just not driving fast enough." If we [creatives] are not used to hearing no, we're not putting our work out there enough and are not pushing personal boundaries.

4. I clearly do not trust God enough. As my Mum says, we [our family] have often seen in retrospect how God has something even better for us when a door is shut (in our faces). History being a good reminder. This is definitely an indicator that I do not have it imprinted in my brain; that I am not fully convicted to the notion that God is ultimately in control. If not, why this despair? My faith is like a withering plant.

5. I have grown. No, of course I am not happy. Yes, I am certainly a sour puss. My wallet, my portfolio opportunities and certainly my ego, just took a hit. But, I can not imagine how much worst I would've taken this, in the vulnerable state I was in a year ago. Where the walls were up, the guns loaded, and I was ready to shoot anything that moved.

I apologize. Most of you might not even read till this far. But here is how I will end it. Cliché sounding as it is, I refuse to be defeated. In Chase Jarvis post about getting used to hearing "no", he states a few things "no" does. No filters out the uncommitted. It reminds us that this isn't for everyone. It serves as a motivator. And ultimately, it makes us better artists.

I will need some time to pick myself up, but count on me returning more educated and more hungry then before. I am undoubtedly unsettled and in need of answers, and a culprit, but I think I just have enough in me to continue to live life.

五: HIRED + Man in a hat

85mm @ f/2.8, 1/50th & ISO100

What? It's a man in a hat. 

Also, I'd just like it to be on record that Traill college is a lovely, lovely place to be in, study in and photograph.

OH. And I was offered the photographer position at The Arthur today. Meeting the team and signing papers tomorrow.

Awwwyeahhh. I am ecstatic. Moolah for  doing what I love (taking pictures and interacting with people).


Oh, boy!

Story Telling

This is Apricot a short film by Ben Briand (watch it on Vimeo here). 

Contrary to what I learn in my theory of cinema class--that image is the most important element of a film followed by sound and everything else is of minimal importance, I want the ability to tell a story like that some day. There are many examples of good story tellers, this is just one of them. I need not tell many of you that Yasmin Ahmad was one of the greatest story tellers Malaysia has ever seen. 

Now what differentiates them, from us.

Being a personal friend of hers, my boss over the summer and the Creative Director of 3nity Design, Joe Foo, tried to account for her brilliance and exceptional ability with a list of ingredients. He said 4 elements were required for successful content creation (a layered approach to art and communication).

1. A colourful life.
2. A certain sharpness when it came to observing life.
3. A different way of thinking.
4. Courage in the presence of fear.

.. he went on to say that skill is easily obtainable, but what is truly invaluable, is experience.

Sure it may not be as simple as that, but I think that's a good place to start. I am going to leave it at that because it's currently 1AM and I want to have some ice-cream. Till tomorrow.

一: Leading a visual life (fo laif?)

85mm @ f/1.4 & 1/800th & ISO100

"Here's Mitchell. He was in my spirit group during ISW. An exciting young man he is and a good friend he could potentially become. He moved in to Dan's room back in E4, very coincidental.

Seems to be pretty decent with that 6-stringed instrument he lugs around. He might very likely score my next short film."

(taken from Facebook)

I believe my current readership now extends to two real people! Hoorah!

So, in my attempt to:
1. Have regular updates
2. Get my work out there more with (1)
3. Improve my trait
4. Lead a visual life

.. I plan to take at least a photo a day and put it up on here, my Facebook page, my Twitter page and perhaps in time a new Flickr page.

A visual life, creative living, expressing yourself.. whatever you may want to call it, seems to be essential to being a creative. An "artist's" relation to art/creativity is believed to be something lived out, in it's entirety. It shouldn't just take up a portion of your life, like a switch you can flick on and off, I think it ought to be evident and visible in all areas of life. That evidently is not a very simple task. The average 21st century kid is overwhelmed with things to do or accomplish.

As a realistic compromise, I think that I will take maybe an hour out of my day to walk around, live life visually, capture and image and share it with the world. I think that's a healthy practice to adopt as a hopeful visual artist of the future. I suspect a high degree of discipline and commitment will be required. Perhaps this will be a good indicator of whether I ought to be doing this in the first place.

365 projects are extremely popular with photographers. But if this is something that I am going to live with, how will I ever justify stopping? Project entirelifespanfromthispointonwards? My father has wrote an e-commentary (almost without fail), every week for the past 11 years. He loves writing and will keep doing what he loves. I hope I too truly love image making, as an ends to itself.

Today is the 22nd of September and this is day one.